1) I will not compliment your appearance
There are some changes I am going to have to make in my world. One of them applies to the basics of ‘hello.’
I’m one of those people who when I see a total stranger walking down the street looking ‘rad’ in one way or another, will out of the blue say “Hey! You look great! I love those shoes!”
Now, part of that is because I notice these things. I like colors, patterns, I appreciate and have studied the human form in the artistic context. But the other reason behind my public outbursts is knowing how good it feels to have someone pay a random compliment. I love seeing the smile I get back from a stranger. Feeling at home in your skin, feeling comfortable in what you’re wearing, knowing that people are seeing you that way… these are important things.
However, when this becomes the a standard greeting for women/girls in general, particularly in the business setting, suddenly things aren’t ok. By commenting on a woman’s appearance, even if it’s a compliment, shifts them from ‘authority on topic of conversation’ to ‘model.’
[Never mind the fact that she’s obviously the one who knows how to prepare a slide]
I’ve seen this happen at conferences. I’ve seen it at tech conferences where a woman is assumed to be ‘just the pretty face hired to work the booth’ or at a bike conventions [really is just one step up from the auto shows] were I’m surrounded by vendors who have hired scantily clad ‘female accessories’ to aid in ‘product display.’ As soon as a woman’s appearance is broached in conversation in a space like this, she’s just another prop.
Lisa Bloom wrote a great article about the battle we have to fight with this “How to Talk to Little Girls.” I’d say this applies to any and all women.
I’m not saying you can’t tell someone they look great. It just shouldn’t be the first topic of conversation.
